On the Other Side of Innocence
Life has a way of rerouting itself in ways that we could never expect. The Universe throws punches and all of a sudden, it feels like reality is completely destabilized. I’ve spent a lot of time wavering in my emotions through the reroute, mastering the art of holding myself in the present moment through all of the discomfort, trying to regain balance.
Grasping onto the idea of innocence, trying to savor it, trying to cling to any last string that was available. My conditioning led me to the idea that I was a better person if I still had my innocence. I was angry at all of the people who had contributed to the tearing away of this part of me, blamed them, got revenge where I could; acted out on my emotions. Saw the ways that ease and innocence had been linked together in my mind. I stand corrected.
In fact, maybe innocence is more closely linked to fear. I had genuinely believed that my life was not only better, but easier as long as I had my innocence. I was afraid to open my eyes to the harsh truth that life is genuinely hard. Maybe innocence is the one thing that has held me back from my empowerment, my anger, my enthusiasm. Perhaps the things I held onto with such regard was the layer I needed to shed in order to come into the essence of the woman I am meant to be. The kind that lacks innocence, the kind that embodies her tenacity, the kind that can be graceful and strident all at once; unafraid.
The other side of innocence is wisdom. Wisdom is the by product of the lessons that we never wanted to learn. It’s the depth we achieve in our own lives that we might have never asked for. It’s the “seeing” or “uncovering” of the next layer of our being, and there’s nothing innocent about the process. It’s the peace that we gain when we are fully aware of our surroundings and how we need to move through, mindfully, carefully and intentionally. Wisdom is the understanding that not everyone is worthy of our naivety, trust, our light or our playfulness. It’s knowing when enough is enough, when to cut chords, when to continue to march forward.
So, you wanted my innocence? Take it.
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